Ian loved the water since he was about 18 months old. We have a picture of him being held up in the water by his sister Chelsea because he couldn’t quite swim yet. Surprisingly, after his passing, she told us that actually he was holding her up. We were so surprised. He was so young. He couldn’t even swim yet. Wasn’t he the one that needed help? Looking back, this is Ian’s life in four words:

He Held People Up

We have countless examples when Ian held others up. We had a large tree hit and destroy part of our house when Ian was 7 years old. His room took the brunt of the damage. Still, he comforted me, his mom, who was struggling with the damage. He held me up. When a friend or family member felt bad about something, he would listen and then try to help and distract them from their worries with humor. He held them up. When someone in his class in 11th grade was sitting alone, he left his friend group and spent the class working with her. He held her up. When someone didn’t have money in their account to pay for groceries, Ian paid and took care of the issue for them. He held them up. When teammates were struggling with depression and anxiety, he told them he understood and gave them the validation they needed. He held them up. When a teammate was being treated unfairly, he called others out on it and challenged them to be better. He held that teammate up.

What We Needed To Be Held Up When Ian Was A Minor

  • Collaboration within the health care system
  • Family driven care
  • No insurance loopholes and to know that there are “tricks” to get care
  • Transparency and honesty
  • Action based education
  • To be listened to
  • The tools and words to work with Ian on a daily basis
  • A place to go when we had questions and concerns right away
  • Someone to guide us with no handoffs
  • Someone to always be there with us during this painful journey
  • Someone to take the time to really help us
  • Someone who looked at the big picture

What Ian Needed To Be Held Up Before He Went To College

  • To have options for care between appointments
  • To know that when treatment wasn’t working, it wasn’t his fault
  • To have his family and support network educated and supported
  • To have someone for the long haul who he could trust, who always had his back, was an expert in care, and was looking out for him and his family
  • Examples of survivors from mental illness that understood his pain and could be a role model
  • Options besides the Emergency Room for same day treatment
  • Not be told he was would be better if he worked harder at it
  • To feel safe telling someone he had suicidal ideation that could do something about it
  • To learn at an early age how to express what he was feeling without fear

Ian Was A Fighter

We Called Him A Warrior
He got up every day and battled his illness in order to live an ordinary life. He learned at an early age with hard work and determination that he could reach his goals. He truly believed that hard work paid off-it always had. He was a good student and a Division I collegiate athlete all while suffering from unimaginable pain from his illness. This is common among student-athletes who are programmed from a young age to portray a strong exterior even when things are not going well. “Ever since they were six or seven years old they have this fighter mentality,...they are to fight through whatever they need to fight through. Sometimes it’s some sort of mental illness and they need to stop and address it” (Tuesday, T.L., 2020). We stopped and addressed it, but it wasn’t enough. The current mental health system does not demand excellence. It doesn't demand family involvement. It doesn't listen or change. How can it be better?

Why the Turtle Logo and Our Name?

Since Ian was a little kid, he loved anything to do with the water, the ocean, sharks, and especially turtles. He had a pet turtle, Oscar, and his dream was to save sea turtles. When we were on our last family vacation in Hawaii, Ian finally got to snorkel with them. He would lose himself for hours. He was truly at peace in the water.
Our name, TEAM Be Better;, comes from the end of the eulogy that Ian’s Uncle Brian gave: "He made us better for knowing him. That was Ian's superpower...so be better". Brian’s ex-wife, Liz, designed the turtle logo for a family tattoo just after Ian’s passing. That design and Brian’s words were so special to us, that we wanted them to be a part of Ian’s legacy. Brian was such a huge part of Ian’s life, using his words and Liz’s art seemed perfect. The semicolon comes from the tattoo that Ian had on his wrist. “It is a sign of solidarity and strength in the face of suicide, depression, and other mental health issues. For those who have gone through it, it is a reminder of how far they have come” (Roden, 2021). The TEAM part comes from the importance of Ian's swim team throughout his whole life. He always said they were his family.